Recycling Madness

Before reading these hilarious stories you will need to know 3 of my modified vocabulary words: hot mess = messer than a regular mess bootlegged=something that IS a hot mess oldster= a person that is really old (modified from youngster which means young people)

TODAYS TOP STORY:(RECYCLING MADNESS)
Our very sweet neighbor is obsessed with recycling. She will go to any extremes to recycle everything that she can. I am not saying that this is a bad thing but when you use recycled material to make your clothes, then you know that something is wrong. And O MY GOSH, why do old people wear there pants up to there neck? You know that that has to give you an atomic wedge. She claims that she read in a book somewhere that if you hang glass bottles from a tree in your yard that all of the evil spirits will go away. So GUESS WHAT, in a cute little tree in her front yard is a display of recycled glass bottles that she got from the place where she recycles. So every time I ride past her yard I have to at least chuckle. On to her next recycling project: I recently helped with our Vacation Bible School. She is the Janitor at our church so all the trash there is either used by her or took to the recycling place for her to get a few pennies. But back to Vacation Bible School: like I said she is the janitor, and I helped set up for Bible School; this took about a 4 day process. On the first day we were there she rolls up in her old person car, gets out with her bootlegged Strawberry Shortcake keychain wrapped around her neck. She gives us a stack of recycled bags to set in every class rooms and tell the teachers that any thing that can be recycled to put it in the bags. I seriously think that she needs a different hobby.

OLD PEOPLE IN THE STORE:
Have you every been to the Wilson’s 5cent - 1 dollar store ? That place is a hot mess. As you walk up and down the tinny packed in isles you can sometimes see two or more little eyes pop up in fount of you or behind of you. They look at you as though you are trying to steal something. They walk up to you and say "can I help you" multiple times as you are shopping. And if you are within 110 feet of them you can smell this imitation perfume, that smells like burnt wood. It smells as though they have on 6 gallons of it on. They are OLD WOMEN there are about 100 of them that inhabit this tinny packed hot mess store. Most of them are like 1,000 years old. We recently had a problem that concerned one of these oldsters. Well I won't get into that because I might end up saying something ugly. My aunty once told one of them that they had on enough perfume on to last them the rest of their life, and that was not but 2 days. If you have ever been to this store I would absolutely adore to hear what you have to say. I also warn readers not to go there.

Senseless Nephew: (nickname: Francesca)
One summer we went on a camping trip. Those in the family who feel sorry for my nephew insisted that he go with us to the beach. Well we decided that we would be nice and take the little creep to an amusement park. When we got there he is twisting like he needs to go to the bathroom, we said do you need to go? He replied "no". About 30 minutes later we are standing in the amusement park and he begins to twist again. We say go to the bathroom. He replies "well, well, well, I,I,I,I do not need to". When we were on the way back he began to twist again and this time he said "I need to go to the bathroom" well there was no bathroom around. We politely told him that if he pissed in the car he would have to clean it. A moment later we hear "IT IS COMMING OUT". My aunt disciplined him as needed and made him sit on a doggy pe pe pad. I laughed until I almost chocked. I had to roll down the window to get some air. No one would sit beside him. So he is just sitting there all by him self on the doggy pad just looking around like nothing was wrong.

One day my confused nephew was on the way home from school with my uncle. My uncel noticed in the mirror that he was eating on something. So it comes to be that at lunch that day he had took an orange slice and put it in his pocket. Not candy orange slices but an actual orange that had been sliced. He was made to throw it out the window. We all had a good chuckle from this. We could only imagine what might be in his BOOK BAG !
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